Many of us will visit our families this holiday season. Siblings, parents, grandparents, and friends are a great source of support throughout the winter months. However, some family members may not fully understand what Autism Spectrum Disorder is. They may believe in outdated stereotypes about ASD, or use defunct terms.
Nevertheless, your extended and immediate family can be a great source of support throughout your child’s life, and helping them understand your child’s diagnosis is well worth the effort.
Explain the Basics
In the beginning, your family may struggle with understanding and accepting your child’s diagnosis. If your extended family has misconceptions or questions about ASD, it may help to explain the basics. Here are five main points you should address:
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disability.
It is lifelong.
We know it starts in utero.
We know it is not produced by vaccines.
It’s not caused by bad parenting.
The State of Nevada has an excellent PDF that provides more information and debunks these myths.
Ease Fears
Many family members are scared they will upset children with ASD or worse - cause a meltdown. Providing information is the best way to help them connect with your child. If loud noises, bright lights, or new experiences scare your child, let your family know!
You can also teach your extended family how to redirect challenging behaviors and prevent autistic meltdowns.
Model Behaviors that Work
Every child interacts with the world differently. For children with autism, they might engage with their surroundings in unexpected ways. For example, a child with ASD might play with their toys by lining them up or sorting them into piles. This can leave family members confused and unsure of how to interact with your child.
The easiest way to overcome this is by demonstrating how your child plays. Bring out the toys and let your family members observe the unique ways they interact with the world. After a few minutes, invite the family members to join the fun. From there, you can play together or slowly fade into the background. This will allow your child and their family to bond!
Make Memories
Does your child love trains? Great! Invite your family members on a trip to the train museum and create a special memory together. If they love the movies, buy tickets to a Sensory Friendly Film night. In short: invite your family members to spend time with your child. Creating memories together will help your child bond with extended and immediate family members.
Share their Interests
Share your child’s favorite movies, shows, characters, and songs with your family. That way, your family can participate in your child’s interests. For example, if your child loves Dora the Explorer, tell your parents. Together, you can memorize The Map Song or perform all the moves to Swiper, no Swiping! When your child watches Dora at their grandparent’s house, everyone can join in on the fun!
Bonding with Siblings
There are many ways to help neurotypical children bond with their autistic siblings! First, expose your child with ASD to their siblings’ interests. For example, have the family bake cookies together or host a movie night. You can also help them develop common interests, like a certain video game or sport.
Second, respect your neurotypical child’s individuality. Let them play with friends from school and spend time away from their siblings. Remember: children don’t have the foresight adults do. Your child is more likely to interact with their sibling on their terms.
Third, praise your neurotypical child when they help their sibling. Remember, children love to feel responsible and important. For example, you could say:
“You’re such a good sibling to Jen. She loves it when you read to her!”
“You’re such a good listener. Jen really loves telling you about her new toys!”
“You’re a great helper! You and Jen finished that puzzle so fast!”
Using words like “helper” or “listener” helps your neurotypical child feel valuable and important.
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